Last week was hell for me at work. I was having mental torture thinking about my career enhancement to the extent of sleepless nights. Besides waking up every midnight for Kayden's milk fix, I was having un-peaceful sleep hence I got sick. I was having flu and cough till I went to the moon. I thought I was going to cough my lungs out.
Then the day I've been waiting for months arrived. I was praying for a good day with good results. The time came and a SMS came to me. The context told me to check the web page for results. With a crazily beating heart I checked. Then SMACK! I've failed. Again. For the 2nd time. I couldn't believe my eyes. I refresh for I hope I was seeing wrongly but no. It was correct and clear, unfortunately. I was speechless. I am never speechless. I was hardly speechless but this time I was. I was holding on to my tears. So hard, that I could feel a dagger stabbed thru it. So dramatic huh?! Yes. It was. Nothing could be done. It's out of my reach. It's out of my power, as if I've one.
Fish! Fish! Fish!
All my plans went down the big longkang outside my house. That's it! My tears starts rolling down my cheek. Thank God nobody was around. I felt so stopid. Really stopid for hoping it would come true. I don't know what to say to myself to console my heart and my aching head. I felt betrayed. I felt like an idiot to trust the system again and again. How can I be that stopid. Sigh!
A friend then SMS me for lunch. I told her the bad news. She was having her good news but she didn't tell me till later for having me crying again. Why am I so unlucky? Thank God for this friend who let me pour my heart out. God bless her! She even bought me a nice lunch but I just couldn't eat. For the 1st time there was no hunger in me. Crap. My stomach probably lost its feeling. My body was numb. I never say no to good food but I just couldn't swallow anything.
Why is life so not fair... WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!