25 June 2012

Life's a toot

Last week was hell for me at work. I was having mental torture thinking about my career enhancement to the extent of sleepless nights. Besides waking up every midnight for Kayden's milk fix, I was having un-peaceful sleep hence I got sick. I was having flu and cough till I went to the moon. I thought I was going to cough my lungs out. 

Then the day I've been waiting for months arrived. I was praying for a good day with good results. The time came and a SMS came to me. The context told me to check the web page for results. With a crazily beating heart I checked. Then SMACK! I've failed. Again. For the 2nd time. I couldn't believe my eyes. I refresh for I hope I was seeing wrongly but no. It was correct and clear, unfortunately. I was speechless. I am never speechless. I was hardly speechless but this time I was. I was holding on to my tears. So hard, that I could feel a dagger stabbed thru it. So dramatic huh?! Yes. It was. Nothing could be done. It's out of my reach. It's out of my power, as if I've one. 

Fish! Fish! Fish! 

All my plans went down the big longkang outside my house. That's it! My tears starts rolling down my cheek. Thank God nobody was around. I felt so stopid. Really stopid for hoping it would come true. I don't know what to say to myself to console my heart and my aching head. I felt betrayed. I felt like an idiot to trust the system again and again. How can I be that stopid. Sigh! 

A friend then SMS me for lunch. I told her the bad news. She was having her good news but she didn't tell me till later for having me crying again. Why am I so unlucky? Thank God for this friend who let me pour my heart out. God bless her! She even bought me a nice lunch but I just couldn't eat. For the 1st time there was no hunger in me. Crap. My stomach probably lost its feeling. My body was numb. I never say no to good food but I just couldn't swallow anything.

Why is life so not fair... WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

6 comments:

LittleLamb said...

What test??? Dont give up la. Try again.

ChloeRuoyi said...

Setting expectations and failing to meet them is all part and parcel of life. Don't give up trying. At the end of the day, be thankful that you still have a job. There are many people out there who are worse off than you, being jobless, desperate and all...

Small Kucing said...

try and try again ....

hope bb wont jangkit the flu

Daddy said...

Hei..not sure what test it is or how important it is to you but I am sure it is important enough for you to be so sad..Anyway, do take care. There are many times that we might not understand how life is seemingly treating us but hang on and I am sure there is a silver lining behind this cloud .....

Family First said...

Life is like that lor. We think we worked our butt off for it and deserve it but in the end, tak dapat. Dont worry. Pick yourself up and always tell yourself that when one door closes, there is another one that opens. Just look out for it and dont think abt the one that just closed.

I've been through that kinda feeling too, feeling down and rejected but dont worry, someday you will find something that is meant for you. You will. Cheer up.

Adrine said...

Tell yourself that one day in the future, you will look back at today and see that it was a blip in your life and that you recovered from it after that.

And for me, I find that bawling my eyes out helps too! Take care ya, Irene. *hugz*